Hello, friends.
November? November?! What? How? The busy season is coming and I don’t know how we’ll get through. Election day this week, which could make or break my country. My daughter—my baby—turns 14 this week. How the hell is that possible? There’ll be holidays and PD days and Open Houses and Thanksgiving and-and-and—
Well, you get it. Right now, I think I’ll go for a walk while the autumn is still beautiful and welcoming. But I’ll go right after I finish this week’s newsletter.
Welcome to the 197th installment of Gauthic Times, the newsletter about my writing, my life, and musings about ideas, time, and energy. If you’re a reader who subscribes via Substack, my website, or Patreon, your encouragement helps motivate me. I’m thankful to have any audience.
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I got through this week at the Day Job well enough, though I did take a day off because I wasn’t feeling great. I felt rundown and at my threshold. The day was good and I worked on Four Moons, which I worked on several times this week. I’m nearing the climax of the novel and hope to be done editing it in the next couple of weeks. Then I can sit at the computer and revise for the second draft.
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One of the things I’ve enjoyed about being a high school teacher who teaches in a creative program is helping the young people realize that their work is so much more important than whether it’s a good idea. I used to do a thing where I’d have the students time me and I’d come up with as many ideas in one minute as possible (my record was 12). It would amaze them that I could look around the room and come up with possible story prompts. It amazed them even more when I dismissed most of them as not very good. So if ideas aren’t the problem, why is being creative so difficult? For me, I think it’s time and energy.
I turned 49 this past August and I still don’t know how to make the time or—more importantly—find the energy to do all that I want to do creatively. The general consensus is to pull a Nike and just do it. Make the time. Find the energy. I have these sad, foolish pep talks with myself where I’m Mickey from Rocky taunting myself and trying to lift myself up psychologically to do what I want to do. “You can do it, Rocky, you sonofabitch!”
However, I still haven’t gotten to the point where I can suddenly tap the energy I need. I’ve been saying that teaching in the 21st century is not for the faint of heart. Each year seems to be more difficult and I find myself expending a lot of energy not only to teach the students but to deal with the bullshit that the adults bring into the building. How much energy have I spent trying to figure out what games coworkers are playing because of some fucked-up power trips they have? How much energy have a depleted trying to do the vast amounts of paperwork required or deal with the various PD stuff or PLCs, which sound great because it’s about planning but it’s really about planning with your colleagues and that creates other bullshit.
But the ideas remain and the will to do them also remains.
Here are some of the ideas I have. Sorry for the vagueness of some of them, but I think you understand why.
I still have two novel ideas that I’m itching to do. I thought I’d begin writing Project: Nightmares this summer but did not. I know how it opens and have some of the characters, it’s just writing it I need to do. I wrote Project: Memoir over the summer (which I should begin editing soon) and have been working on edits for Four Moons. I’ll soon be doing another draft of Project: Amusement Park. Once the two novels are done(ish), then I’ll start writing the new one. I also have Project: Fantasy in my head, waiting.
Speaking of books, I have the three middle grade space adventure books sitting around gathering dust. I’ve begun thinking about self-publishing them. If I do, I need to come up with covers for them. I can’t really afford an artist right now, so I’ll try to do the covers myself. And when I say that, I don’t mean by plugging in some ideas and letting a robot do it for me. Luckily, I can draw and design things so I’ll just try to handle that myself. I have some ideas for the cover and even started a draft, I just need to sit down and do it.
Speaking of design, I’d like to design some new covers for Patreon as well as some new ads for my books. Again, I don’t use Canva or artificial foolishness. I sit with my Photoshop-like program and use my design skills. It’d be easier if I did one of those other things but my integrity and skills won’t allow me. When you see those ads or the logos that are related to me, they are mine, from my head, from my hands.
I have ideas for more Patreon posts, including videos, but part of my issue is also not having a good place to do things like videos. Between trying to find the energy and time to do them, I also have to find a place. The same can be said for writing, though that’s easier.
Oh! I have an idea for a future Gauthic Times essay/musing where I write a letter to Blue Cross Blue Shield to argue why they should pay for Zepbound again, since a large part of my depleted energy comes from not having that medication to help with my Crohn’s disease. Now with my Crohn’s going back to what it was, I have so little energy and spend so much more time in the bathroom. My thought is that if I draft a letter, not only can I send it to the insurance company, but I can post it publicly, too, this way others will see and maybe contribute to the cause. I couldn’t care less about the weight loss but the fact that it was helping my Crohn’s disease better than the uber-expensive Stelara I take every two months.
There are the comic book ideas, too. The Gabby Ray and Frogmen comics. I need to write and draw those. Who has the time or, even more, the energy?
And those are just the ideas that I have that I consider feasible. Never mind the other ideas that are floating around, waiting to find a partner to latch onto to become the next project.
No, the ideas are not the problem, it’s just everything else that is.
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That’s this week’s newsletter. Thank you so much for subscribing, reading, and for your support. Be safe out there, friends.
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