Gautham: Bill Gauthier.com

Hello, friends.

This past week was pretty good. Pamela and I had breakfast with a close friend, G went to a robotics camp and found something she loved, and I got some writing stuff done. I needed a week like this. We all did.

Welcome to the 181^st installment of Gauthic Times, the newsletter about my writing, my life, and musings on courage. If you’re a reader who subscribes via Substack, my website, or Patreon, your encouragement helps motivate me. I’m not breaking any records but I’m thankful to have any audience.

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The week started with me receiving an invitation to something that I really wanted to be invited to. It’s an author-related thing and while I don’t think anything is official yet, I’m super psyched by it. More info will come.

Editing for the second draft of Four Moons continued. I recorded a new short video for Patrons that gave a small update on the editing so far. I’ve gotten through just over 40 pages of the book so far.

Research on possible agents for Project: Amusement Park continues. Because this week was busy with going out almost every day, I didn’t do as much as I’d have liked, but I did some, at least.

I continued Project: Memoir. I wrote about 2,400 words this week, bringing the total to 7,300 words so far. It’s strange because everything I’ve written about so far has been about my first five years alive and a little of my mother’s history. The memoir is somewhat about pop culture and its impact on me. It’s funny how certain things have come back to me. Writing is always magic in that regard.

This coming week, I’ll be recording an interview for a podcast, my first in a long, long time. I’ve done radio appearances locally before but it’s been years. This is a pretty cool thing that I’ll write more about next week.

Lastly, I did some research on dreams, nightmares, and night terrors for Project: Nightmare. I looked up some documentaries and videos about these topics that I need to watch. I may begin this novel this week. We’ll see.

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Harlan Ellison once wrote that “the chief commodity a writer has to sell is his courage. And if he has none, he is more than a coward. He is a sellout and a fink and a heretic, because writing is a holy chore.”

I’ve tried my best to live up to this kind of thinking, which I got from his writing when I began reading him at 19 and have heard and reread over time. I don’t believe I’m a naturally courageous person. It’s one of the reasons I write horror, I think. I’m afraid of everything. That said, between my lifelong love of superheroes, Star Wars, and other such characters, the works of Ellison and others, has instilled in me that I must try to have courage.

It does not come easily.

My past is a list of chances not taken. Relationships that never happened. Careers that could have been. Anxiety wrenches itself in me and I become incapable of moving forward. Like the year I went to NECON, had a massive panic attack, and left before anything of note really happened. Yeah, I got to sit behind some folks that I admire at one or two of the panels that happened, but that was it. Massive panic attack and I left, disappointed in myself. That was 2011, I believe.

In the last few years, I’ve tried my best to find my courage and push myself into reaching out to people and places to help with my writing. I’ve gotten blurbs from writers I admire. I’ve done book signings. Last weekend I received an invitation to a book festival I’ve wanted to do for years now. I’m excited. I’m terrified. But I’ll do it.

The reason I’m writing this is because I’ve found that I get annoyed and disappointed when others don’t show that kind of courage. It’s always easy to point out what others should do but it’s so much more difficult to find that strength in oneself.

For instance, right now a decision needs to be made about something that clearly should’ve been made a month ago. It’s not my decision and has to do with my Day Job. The person who needs to make the decision is hem-hawing. I say the decision is clear because it involves several people, the majority of them are good people who wants what’s best for everyone while a minority is on some power kick. They’ve had problems with almost everyone they’ve worked closely with. But they’re popular. So the decision is go with the majority that maybe don’t have the pull that the minority has. The result has been…nothing.

It pisses me off. Even the wrong decision is a decision. Make the decision and stand by it. And if you regret it later, well, apologize and try to fix it.

It’s always easy to come up with reasons not to do something, to stay inactive, to hide. It’s too hard. I need something now and can’t wait. It’ll cost too much money. People might be angry/sad/disappointed with me. There are millions of reasons not to do a thing, but the one reason to do the thing is because it’s right. It’s right for you at this moment. The larger picture is more important than the minor setbacks. You can’t please everybody so you might as well do what you believe is right, do what calls to you.

Whether it’s deciding on a career change, who to give a job to, or writing an essay that will be sent out to a bunch of people, taking the risk and doing what you can in the hopes to help and do what’s right for and by you is important.

Take it from me, a coward. Take the risk. Show some courage.

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I’m currently reading Chuck Wendig’s new novel The Calamities, which comes out next month. I’m almost halfway through and love it. Pre-order it. Trust me.

And don’t forget that Christopher Golden’s new novel, Carry Me to My Grave, comes out next week. Check out his socials for his book tour info and preorder a copy if you can.

Pamela started rewatching Pluribis with me. She’s seen it, I haven’t. We’ve watched four episodes and I’m digging it. Rhea Seehorn is amazing in it. Love her! Enjoying it quite a bit.

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That’s this week’s newsletter. Thank you so much for subscribing, reading, and for your support. Be safe out there, friends.

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