Hello, friends!
Last week took about a month to pass with everything going on. Lots of bullshit mixed in with some really good stuff. It has been a little crazy but here we are, so let’s go!
Welcome to the 93rd installment of Gauthic Times, the newsletter about my writing, my life, and feeling like an imposter.
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Anyway, let’s do this!
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I got to page 209 in Project: Amusement Park this week. I keep forgetting that I was editing/revising more than usual for a first draft as I wrote the book and there are parts that have required far less editing/revisions than I have had to do with first drafts in the past.
Usually, when I get to the bottom of a page in a first draft, I look at the whole thing. If I don’t have enough blue ink from my editing on the page, I go back to the top of the page and work my way down again, often finding things I missed.
This time round when I do that, there’ve been times when I haven’t felt the need to change much. Not all the time, of course. There are plenty of edits that I’ve done so far, but less than what is sometimes usual. I will be going back, of course, and looking to see if I missed anything.
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Yesterday was the Horror & True Crime event at a local Barnes & Noble. It was a very cool day and I had a blast meeting the other writers. I did not get a ton of pictures because it was pretty hectic.
G was proud of her Dad as we entered the store.
Soon, I met up with everyone and there was a group photo.
The above picture was from either Maureen Boyle or Greg F. Gifune. There’s Greg Gifune, Kathleen Brunelle, Derek Mola, Maureen Boyle, Paul Tremblay, Christa Carmen, and me. No one said the dress code was black. It’s a horror/true crime thing.
I was the first to read so I saw a chair and sat down, quipping about going the Masterpiece Theater route. It got a laugh. Whether out of pity or being genuine, I don’t know, nor do I care.
Photo by Pamela.
It was a cool time and I really enjoyed myself.
Photo from Greg F. Gifune’s socials.
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That last photo, and even the big group one, makes me think, One of these things don’t belong. The thing is me. In case you wondered.
Now, before you run down to the comments to convince me otherwise let me tell you now: I know.
Imposter syndrome is real. It’s a newer term (a far as I know) but basically feels like you shouldn’t have the success you have. In my case, the whole event (honestly, all the events I’ve done this year) made me feel like I shouldn’t have been there. I mean, when I see the other writers in that group photo, I feel like, What?! How the hell did Bill fucking Gauthier get in?
And I know that’s not right. Dealing with some of the mental health issues I’ve dealt with, I tend to put myself down a lot. It has hurt my writing career and I’m only now starting to really work against it. The idea that No one cares has permeated how I approached “marketing” my work. Put it out and social media and maybe it’ll get shared.
That was stupid. I should’ve been more proactive in putting myself out there. Contacting podcasts, reviewers, etc. Some of it was the way that Echoes on the Pond’s release felt very unsure. I knew it was supposed to be in June 2023, but I never really knew when until a little before the release. My understanding was that there were issues leading up to it and no fingers can really be pointed. Still, I knew it’d be out and I should’ve done more.
Feeling like I wasn’t important enough to warrant the attention the book deserved was part of the feeling like an imposter, I realize now.
Well, Echoes on the Pond has been out over a year and it is what it is. Still, I intend to continue pushing forward. If the last four months told me anything, it’s that I’m no imposter. I’ll have to keep reminding myself of that, but I guess that’s part of the job.
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Speaking of the job, Alice on the Shelf is officially back in print-print. While the ebook never really went away, the only way to get a printed copy was if you knew me, you bought them at the Smithfield, Rhode Island, event, or on the second-hand market.
Well, here we are now with a new edition from the fine folks at Macabre Ink/Crossroad Press!
Alice is possible one of my most personal books, written during a tumultuous time and was written as a means to get through it. It was only through friends who read it (or heard it) at the time that I started considering publishing it. The biggest influence to get it published, though, was Pamela.
I’m happy it’s back out.
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Well, that concludes this week’s missive. Thank you for reading and for your support!
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Gautham: Bill Gauthier.com 
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